Perhaps I'm insane, but my life doesn't give me other possibility. I must still think so I think about The life, feelings and other things. Often I think why I'm so other than the rest. I look similar, but inside me is something other. I feel it every day and hear it when I speak. The life for me is something about other than for the rest. Every day I live with sense, that all is wicked and I don't know what I have do, so that it was better. Maybe all what I do is wicked. Still I'm trying something do. Sing, play, write, so that I could exist.
I'm little gothic girl, which never will be different. From first true love stood me only grave and seventeen roses in my arms. Sometimes I say to myself why am I still alive? For my mom? Sister? Dad? Grandmom? Uncle? Best friend? No! I'm still alive, because I bealive that it will be better. Yes, I'm fucking optimist :-) I will be happy and no grave stop me! :-D I only doing what Honzik wanted, I live for him. He loved life, although wished death.
A lot of things are away. I have only best friend, family and job which hate. I must conform system of this world and his denominations, but what for price? I don't want be one of the people in the tram or bus. They have empty sight and want things which needn't have. I have a fear, that will be dead like they. I have fear, that will have similar stupid life like all. Sometimes I have fear of myself, because I become slow one of them. My individuality is dieing under weight of stereotype.
I think, that I'm a beast which need beauty, so that I could feel again. To have somebody who show me how be happy. When I was child I had panic fear from solitude. I had fear, that my grave will be deserted without flowers and I will be alone inside cold ground without love.
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