Minds

Sometimes I can't record the sense in my articles, but the minds are already such and my minds are chaotic, but they have the sense always.

Invisible minds 7: The Love

I just seen a film "The bridge of San luis rey" and realized one thing. The love, it's one emotion, which is making of humans that what they are. Human like one animal is capable feel the love, the true love. No animal is capable feel or show this deep emotion. Animals feel only loyality to own kind and life, but not feel the love like humans. Pets have only like to own proprietor, they are loyal becouse sense proprietor like source of food, but can be woman with man only becouse man give her the food? Of course not! Human need someone who understand him, someone who appreciate him, someone who see more in him than only human or sex symbol. The love need everyone either like friendship or relationship. The love is the reason why human learn or hate. The love is power to live, it's power to exist. The love is craving be whole and don't be alone.
The love is in all life humans, it's detail, which has weight and power change all or nothing. The love is making of humans awesome beings and strange animals. Although death to come love stay, it's like a bridge, which join two beings together forever.

Minds of fallen angel

Was beautiful to be a child somewhere on the start of life when all had own magic melody and all was easy. I belived in fairies and I seen them when the wind played with the tree leaves and heard their sing, which sounded like a rainbow. I had own world where wasn't evil and weren't bad minds. I was angel among fairies, which fell on this ground, so that gave a love all live beings.

The life broken me my wings and people crushed them into the ground, grave of my soul. My little fairies died under the weight of pain and tears. My own world full beauty was destroyed. The one what was left is memory.
* * *

I wish be dancing with man of my heart, be dancing with him in dance of full love, passion and life, which resurect old melody of fairies.

Nobody asked me if I want born, so you don't say me how I've got live! That what I am is my naturaly.
I caught a butterfly- died,
I tore a flower- faded,
I realized that may to touch all what is beautiful only my heart.

Search best men among people, which the world condemn.

* * *

I need love!

To have the wings, I fly to you into arms, becouse only there is my nest.

I don't want promise a lie, only love and sincerity.

Open your arms, I need you!

Love me forever!

* * *

Invisible minds 6: Satan and Satanismus

Satan is my favorite being of this world. How I wrote already into my blog on myspace.com I feel Satan like the freedom, like best friend of humanity and humans. But LaVey's bible don't enjoy too me. In my life are becoming strange things and strangest thing is I can feel the way in the magic. I realized it when I had my first book about magic and what I read so I done it before them. First I was shoking, but gradually I got used. Now I'm feeling the books like a window or door to knowledge, but in other sense than you think now. Sometimes I have feeling like all this knowledges was in my head always, but I didn't known it and when I read some book I remember on them. I just say it is nothing, although it's crazy I can't say it unexist, becouse it was lie and I am sincere person.
Thanks them I have own interpretacion of Satan, which is going out of LaVey's bible, of course.

This pic "Bafomet" represent Satan, but it's only symbolic represent no his appearance.

Bafomet's symbolic of Satan's character:
1. Half billy goat body and half human body- It's symbol, which say: "The human is animal like every other," and: "I don't see humans like something more than animals."
2. Wings- are symbol of the protection.
3. Symbol of healers in the lap- It symbolize will to heal, but and it's symbol for these words(in sense need): "The needs must be make full, becouse all live beings have the needs and their unmaking full lead to the disease."
4. Moons- notice them: moons look like Asia's balance jin and jang and here is represent of balance and it mean Satan is in the balance, so he isn't bad, but nor good. He is all, bad and good.
5. Fire crown and pentagram of white magic- It mean Satan is higher being on the higher level of existence. Pentagram of white magic is symbol the way of soul on next level of existence.
6. Horns- using billy goat isn't coincidence, becouse horns are symbol of truth.

This is my interpretation of Satan through Bafomet.

Satanismus isn't about God, Satan or magic. Satanismus is about people and life. Satan only show, that no men need the God, so that can live or forgive. Every men is own God and therefore has possible of choice.
Why listen to some God and keep his rules, when every men is little God, which feel what is right or not.

Invisible minds 5: Sweet dreams

I belive in the dreams and their power. I belive, that the dreams are the window into the other world, where is all possible and where the time is relative. I belive in dreams we can see the future and the Past. Once became me I seen own past in the dream and from my 7 years I see own future, but when I wake up so I forget it only when become something I remember on them and then I can compare the details, because sometimes these details differ like when my friend came to me out before our house and I remember, that in my dream he had t-shirt of other color and I asked him why have he no blue t-shirt and he answered me "I wanted take blue, but I took red in the end." After this experience I'm saying: "The furute isn't one probable link, but it's a lot of probable links, although comes true only one most probable link." The links are still changing. People's decision affects final form of link. Therefore a lot of predictions aren't total exact, because details are still changing.
Sometimes I have fear, that I will see own death and thanks them I appreciate my life and I'm doing all, so that my life was such what I want, so that I could say : "Yes, I lived great, long life ful love and feeling and all had the sense," in the last hour of life.

Invisible minds 4: Gothic art pics

Many people is saying: " What is beautiful on the bloody pics. It has no sense and it's disgusting!" But gothic artiest are seeing this else. Every pic is representing some mind, opinion or feeling.
The truth is a lot of people have own world and all what don't fit in their imagines about this world they defame it, because they have a fear loose ground under the legs. The people are used on their manner of life and all other is scaring them. And this their fear is something like power with which want destroy source own fear.

Our art is ful emotions, nightmares and dreams, but it's about life and death too. Gothic men see all not only life, but death too. Gothic men see start and the end. Everybody know that all must once end, love and life. We all are reconcile with them, but we know too, that feelings will go with us all the way to the grave. All what we have and what can nobody take to us are just our feelings and minds. The end can all, but we will remember...

Maybe we are other, but we aren't total different.

Invisible minds 3: Religion

When I was child and I thought, that all world is against me and all hate me. I met with one woman, which began learn me about God. I felt him like something what help me, but I began realize, that God isn't helping to believers dispose of pain or fear, because God live just of their pain and fear. I searched only help and found only lies wrap to sweet words. I asked to myself: "Why have I belive in the God when people killed in his name and he was only watching to it? When he is so powerful why stoped it? Why he let died innocents, which died because church wanted their money and lands?" I had a lot of questions and I realized, that I don't want belive in the God, which is demanding blood innocents for proof of belief.I began realize how belivers are afraid theyself and own humanity. They want be still something more and don't realize, that they are only humans, live beings with needs. Belivers are suffocating under the weight of God and his rules, which every men are ruining inside. God is making droops without backbone from people!
I think hasn't sense belive in so bloodly God, which doesn't recognize human's individuality. I was saying always, that belief is only for poor fellows without own will and own opinions, because only total droop is blind to truth and life and let the God decide of things, which God could never known.

Invisible minds 2: The sense

This is my old work. Maybe someone ask : "Why are you giving it to here, where can everybody read it?" It's good, this is my way how balance with them and I think when I wrote it so I can understand the sense these all in my life and this help to my friends known me better and in the minds and in the life.

What has sense in the life? In childhood I‘m thought, that the sense of the life is find true love and be satisfied with the life, but now when I’m already adult doubt about them. Although I live how can I’m not satisfied. I experienced much terrible things and survived it. Sometimes I don't know if had all survive.
On the beginning of the life me psychic ill-treated my present friend. I proved forgive him, but about all he proved forgive himself. It was my first victory over the life.
Then my family gone to the groves, but directed there all existence. Dad at the end mummy physical assaulted and his fist split her upper lip. I will never forget on her scream and tears and how I musted dad tear down of mummy, so that he didn’t beat her to death. I forgave him. The most important is, that I found power on them. And this can consider for winning over the life.
Somewhere among them I wanted kill myself, because nerves broke me, but policemen stoped me in good time and I ended in the Opava(Mental home) on child's ward. Was it luck perhaps? I don't know, but was it liberation. I found thanks to them what I can and what I am, I don’t know it to since. I was blind of the pain and fear, desperation and myselves - hate. Bad feelings burned into me black hole, which boarded me slowly and very agonizingly. I survived it and can say, that won above them. It was my second winning.
Then I met with Honzík, boy of which I thought on the beginning , that he is only one of to many idiots. I was never such, that I would brought up somebody above definitive verdict, so I spoke with him and it was my way how known him better. If only would such wasn't! I fell in love to him as far as several months after. I felt out of him warm, which heat me up. Every his word was sweet song for me. Every his movement was harmonious movement noble stan for me. Yes, loved him of true love, which I searched all life. Oh, we understood so good. We could together speak all days and we still had what speak about. Once he said, that we are similar. I felt it too and what more I heard it in his words. When he died it was like died all my half being, which I am. I lost myself, I lost my Beautifuly chaotic.
Since I’m telling to myself what my life and everything in them has a sense, when I lose it most important always.
I lost the childhood and possibility grow up like the rest. I experienced never the puberty like you all. Rather it looked, that I outslept it. I seen how girls wants be beautiful for boys and use make-up, but I felt never, that I have do it too. I had other things to solving.
I lost family, which wanted always to have, but the truth is that I had it never.
I Always fought, but now I'm so tired and lonely in the heart. Already I haven’t my kindred soul, already I haven’t power to fighting for own aims.
When I project my life It is nothing nice except moments, which paid me best friend Gabrielle. Perhaps thanks her I didn’t gone mad from them. Our old friendship is like a buoy, which hold me under the water. We are like a family, the one is here for the sekond, but I feel, that still something lacks me.
When I‘m going to sleep at night I say to myself: „ if I‘m could snug to my beloved and feel his warm, feel his heartbeat and hear his breath." If I mightn’t to be fall asleeping alone and to be wakeing up in desolate room without sense. Every me says, that would have therefor something do, but what? Love isn't when men say: „ already I don't want be alone," and will be abreast with first men, which will enjoy him. Love wants time and much words, which will help the other's recognize more closely, but nor then is nothing warranted. They may be but friends and no more. Thanks Honzik I know, what I am looking for, but I’m not sure if sometimes find someone who could be my constituent. Honzik was all for me. I felt a lot of feelings, which I didn’t felt long long time before. I was like a child with him again. Sensitive, trustful, naive, friendly I felt the feelings, which were already strange for me. This everything I lost with his death. I don’t know if I find some man, which proved love me. I don’t know if I may twice have similar lucky.
I know how feel prisoner inside the small cell, which can’t go out from, although the doors are open.
I lost!